You're my little dorito
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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