she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
