Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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