One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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