worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
