I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize