Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
