thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
