Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
