Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
