So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
