So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
