listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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