I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
