My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
