If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
