My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
