I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize