just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
