I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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