saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
