Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize