A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
