it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize