There was a lot of him and a little penis
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
