Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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