omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
