Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
