He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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