I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
