he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
