she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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