**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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