Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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