I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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