I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
