just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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