its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
