EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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