tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
