As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my being single is dangerous.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
