she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
