Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
