Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize