I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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