My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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