Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize