Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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