yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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