the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
