Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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