i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
