In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
