I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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