I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
