do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
