fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize