yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
