if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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