I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize