I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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