drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
