JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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