plz talk dirty to me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
