it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
