Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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