No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
