if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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