Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize