I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
