all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
