Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
