So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
