i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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