evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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