Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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