Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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