i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
