He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
