Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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