how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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