just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
