I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
