I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
