dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
