I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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