You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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