I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
