I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
