why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
