I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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