So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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