id be glad to
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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