thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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