There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
