3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
