I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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