Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
