i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
