dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize