There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
