Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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(239): View more from Florida

I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

(732): View more from New Jersey

like it was yesterday

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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(914): View more from New York

I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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(847): View more from Illinois

Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.

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