I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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