im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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