did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
