i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
